Chicken Recipe, it was much requested

In a crockpot, mix a large greedy kid handful of brown sugar (like ¼ cup), about 3 bottle “gups”- you kow that sound liquid out of bottles makes? Yeah that... three of those of balsamic vinegar (1/4 cup if you’re one of THOSE people), some soy sauce- I use safeways orange ginger soy sauce its cheap and works well. How much of that? I dunno, I just let it ooze out the bottle. It reminds me of cool sci-fi sludge cause its thick sO I like to watch it creep out the bottle. If you used real regular soy sauce you could just kinda make a guess and if it turns out gross give it to the dog. Or your teenager who pissed you off. Now take your favorite brand of Orange Juice and toss some of that in. I think this needs about 6 gups. I said gups not cups! Were you paying attention to know what a gup is? So, then in addition to all that fun liquid use a garlic press and murder the heck out of 2-3 cloves. It makes your hands smell delicious, I promise. Now you smell like a real chef, minus the curly mustache. Now that you’re cooking fake an accent, it will impress people. Sprinkle in some dry red pepper flakes. I use one shake for each thing my husband has done that pissed me off that week, since he hates spicier food. You can always add more later if needed, but maybe 4 quick shakes is good. Add some boneless chicken, 1-1.5 lbs. I never weigh the stuff but that is about how much I imagine it is. Add more if you want to feed more people. I add more because I like to eat myself silly in front of the TV. Don’t judge, Walmart sells stretchy pants for a reason. And ya know, leftovers. So yeah, sauce, dead chicken- turn to coat. Cook, covered, until the chicken is cooked through and very tender, 6 to 7 hours on low or 3 to 4 hours on high. Or 2 hours after you realize the house smells good and you’re hungry.

Sometime before the chicken is devoured cook some rice. Don’t ask me how, just read the damn rice box. Did you know rice now comes in little “boil it in this bag” bags? Saves me from having to scrub a pot because rice pots always suck to scrub. You can also get “crockpot bags” to cook crockpot food in so when you’re done you toss the bag and your crockpot is clean. Genius. I support inventions that allow me to be lazy. Like the Snuggie. God bless the snuggie... is it a backwards robe? A stylish outfit for walmart trips? A blankey? Who knows! But this is about cooking, not the snuggie (of which i own 5, in case you were curious)

If you want to be fancy: Cut away the peel and white gunk of the orange. Cut the orange into thin half-moons and place in a medium bowl. You can cut up two scallions and fold those in as well. Scallions is just some stuffy rich white persons idea of green onions. Is that racist? I’m white, can I say that? Okay, it’s what multicultural PC people of high wealth say. I don’t know these people, but if I did that’s what they would say. They would have curly mustaches and accents to. You know they would. All the best villains do and they are always rich, they save money by skipping therapy and buying suped up lazer powertools of death.

ANYWAY using two forks, gently shred the chicken into medium pieces and stir into the cooking liquid. Or ya know, just attack the chicken with whatever stirring device you’ve been using. Don’t lie to me- you stirred it with something and checked on it several times. And whats this “gently” crap? Thats what cookbooks always say. What- are you trying to make friends with the food? Its DEAD! Take your anger out on it. The lettuce also, because you need a head of lettuce. Ever wonder where they hid the rest of the lettuce body? These are the things I think about. So now you fill the lettuce leaves with the rice and top with the chicken and the orange mixture if you went fancy.

Eat. Enjoy. Ponder where the body of lettuce is.

You're never to old...

You are never to old to play dress up when what you should be doing is cleaning up the messy office you have behind you in a photo.

True Love Is...

True Love is...

taking out the stinky or heavy trash without being asked. I was going to do it (2-3 days ago) but avoiding it seemed like a better solution at the time.

Xoxo.

Happy Valentines Day!

I give my husband a lot of crap and snide comments about him not being romantic. He just isn't in the traditional sense. However, "in the traditional sense" doesn't describe us as a couple at all.

For Valentines day he got me a mini box of Sees candy that was the same one I got each year growing up from my Dad. (He gave the mini boxes to my sister and me and large version to my mom). And a bouquet of Sees cinnamon pops, to. Mmmm. My "real" present isn't here yet, but he ordered one of our wedding photos to be printed on a large canvas! LOVE! We don't have a single wedding photo up in our house because we ordered them as part of an uber fancy professional album. I wish I had ordered large prints when we got married, but I figured we have a gazillion other pics up. Then digital photos happened and I haven't had a real copy of any photo in years.

I told hubby I got us a groupon deal for a restaurant called Tony's. I kinda let some info leak out that I will be driving us to a secret location where we will be taken to the restaurant by way that involves animals, the deal includes transportation, dinner, and dessert and I had to make a reservation. That's all I'm going to say in case Vince checks our blog at work. But this surprise is more than meets the eye... or more than I've revealed in my hints I guess. I'm REALLY surprised he hasn't caught on to the "catch" yet. I wonder if anyone reading this has.

Sarah's Wacky Tacky Bday Party Photos!

Just some quick shots of the fun we had!

It's almost my Birthday.. ba ba ba da ba BIRTHDAY!

Since I'm turning 25 this year..okay... you caught me, I've been 25 a few years in a row now... I decided that we needed to have an excuse to par-tay! At first it was going to be a Murder Mystery dinner, then it was going to just be dinner out with friends, and now it's a Wonderfully Wacky Tacky Birthday Party! Held at one of my favorite places, Petries Family Games, and it will be a casual get together of friends, eating chocolate-chocolate covered cake, and of course playing board games and large-group party-style board games!

One tradition I've carried over from my childhood is having a helium-filled mylar balloon for the Birthday person tied to their chair at the dinner table. As you can see, this year I picked out my own HUGE balloon. It has hot pink, polka dots, zebra print AND a feather boa trim! I am IN LOVE! Have I mentioned how much I love tacky things? This is the pic from my party evite:

Holy Cra-zay game night!

We're both uber tired today. That might be due in part to gaming last night until 1am. I've said it a hundred times but I seriously love the friends we have in Colorado, they are SO much fun. Geeky game people are their own special brand of awesome. We were at a new friends house with a bunch of mutual friends and it was just fun to have so much gaming and socializing going on, such a change from living under that rock thing we have done previously.

Theres not much that stands out as total blog-worthyness, but details of playing Cards Against Humanity isn't really appropriate for family friendly blog. There was also Catan, Quelf, and Vince played a video game I'm not familure with. Oh yeah, I played pinball since I'm kinda seriously addicted to it!

If I can get a photo of it (many were taken by many people, just not me) I'll post the cake. It was a My Little Pony masacre, since Ernest is a Bronie (bro' who loves ponies). I'd let the pic speak for itself if I had one. Kinda reminds me of the cake we got a few years back for my friend Kevin when we asked the cake people to spell everything wrong, give us a smooshed reject cake, and then we put pretty princesses in it upside down. At the time it went well the party theme of "everything thrown together last minute from mixed dollar store finds" but looking back now I bet the fine cake people at Safeway thought we were high on something (besides life).